Understanding the Grief Process: My Personal Journey from Grief to Gratitude

Grief is an inevitable journey that we will all encounter at some point in our lives. It is a deeply personal experience, often accompanied by a rollercoaster of emotions. I have personally traveled this challenging terrain after the heart-wrenching loss of my first husband and my beloved son. In this blog post, I want to shed light on the five stages of grief as described by Elisabeth Kubler Ross – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Through sharing my own journey, my goal is to provide examples and advice on navigating each stage and eventually finding a path from grief to gratitude.

Denial: This stage of grief is often immediate and marked by shock and disbelief. When I lost my son, I couldn’t fathom that he was truly gone. I found myself waiting for him to walk through the door, or looking for his car to be parked on the curb in front of our house. Denial is a protective mechanism that helps us process the loss gradually. It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and give yourself permission to experience them. Speak to a trusted friend or professional about your what you’re experiencing; it’s the first step in healing.

Anger: Anger is a powerful and sometimes unsettling emotion that frequently follows denial. I found myself furious at the universe for taking my son away. I was angry at myself for not being able to protect him. This stage can be destructive if not channeled constructively. It’s crucial to find healthy outlets for anger, such as journaling, physical exercise, or talking to a professional where you can express your emotions openly.

Bargaining: Bargaining is a stage where we may try to negotiate with a higher power to reverse the loss. “If only I had done this differently,” or “Please, just give me one more chance.” Bargaining is a way of seeking control when we feel helpless. It’s essential to recognize that some things are beyond our control, and grief doesn’t follow a bargaining system. It is best to focus on what you can control during this time, such as self-care and seeking support.

Depression: The depression that is talked about in grief is not the same as clinical depression. It is a deep and persistent sadness that follows a loss and can often be all-consuming. After losing my son, there were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed or interact with anyone. This is a natural response to profound loss. Seek professional help if your depression feels unmanageable. Surround yourself with understanding loved ones who can offer emotional support.

Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean that you are okay with the loss, but rather you have come to terms with the reality of it. For me, acceptance came slowly, in small waves. I started to accept that my son was physically gone but that his memory and the love I had for him would live on. Acceptance isn’t a linear process; it’s okay to have moments of regression into earlier stages. The key is to continue moving forward, even if you take baby steps.

Finding Gratitude: During this time, I began to educate myself about what grief experts said about these stages and how we can best manage them. What I started to see was something profound; along with the pain and sadness of my loss, I began to have moments of gratitude. By shifting my perspective, I became grateful for the time I had with my son, for being his mom, for the lessons he taught me, and for the strength I discovered within myself. Gratitude doesn’t erase grief, but it can coexist with it, offering a glimmer of light in the darkness.

Understanding the grief process is a crucial step in healing. As a Master Grief Coach, my own journey from grief to gratitude has taught me that grief is not a destination but a transformative journey. It’s a journey that is unique to each individual and can be marked by moments of despair and hope, darkness and light. Embracing and navigating each stage with patience, self-compassion, and support can eventually lead to a place where grief and gratitude can coexist. Grief changes us, but it doesn’t have to define us. It is my hope that through sharing my story, others can find solace and guidance in their own grief journeys, knowing that there is a path from grief to gratitude, no matter how long or winding it may be.

If you are feeling stuck in grief or unsure of a path forward, I invite you to schedule a complimentary discovery call with me so that we can talk about it. My coaching program has empowered countless individuals to navigate their grief in a healthy manner, enabling them to not only heal but also rediscover their capacity to thrive and embrace life with renewed gratitude and hope.